On making mistakes, ugly things, and the terrifying thing that is an open-ended project

I’m still trying to figure things out, and still trying to get comfortable with messing up and just doing stuff to see what’ll happen; feeling all thumbs and trying very hard to be okay with that is what I find the hardest thing about creativity. By that admission, I think I’ve outed myself as not being truly creative.

I’ve been putting aside Fridays as play days – and the weekends too, if I can get one. That took a bit of getting used to. It took a while to get over the fear of actually starting something – I did a lot of reading & making notes for the first couple of weeks. Puttering in the garden. Napping. Generally practising exceptionally successful avoidance techniques. Now I’ve moved onto playing with messy things, so I think I’m safely over the first self-made obstacle. Still getting over the time allotment thing – it’s been a very long time since I’ve done something just for myself, and it feels more than somewhat invalid.

I’ve spent a lot of time over the last few years, dreaming of a time when I can work on something for myself, mentally filing away project ideas, chafing under each job’s parameters, only to finally get the chance and feel my brain folding in on itself once faced with all the possibilities.

There are so many possibilities with printmaking, and I’m pretty interested in exploring different approaches to the same subject. I know it’ll help me get comfortable with the medium if I’m less concerned about what it is I’m drawing. At this point I’m just trying to see what different approaches look like, and getting an idea of how I can incorporate my own style into the process.

I’ve given myself some rules. And some goals – but not enough to freak myself. Expect a lot of very poorly executed crow pieces in the next few months. At this point, I (think) I’m totally fine with producing ugly stuff.